Tuesday, January 06, 2009
In Response to Mush
Even though I didn't make the list I am going to post on a related subject of how sometimes I feel like mush. And I am going to keep this short and simple. For me, Mush happens when I am knocked off a routine. I have an AMAZING schedule for work in which I leave the house at 7:15am and am home everyday by 4pm. I work 180 days out of a 365 day year and I don't have to ask for additional time off... I can take it when I need it and no one questions me about it. This is really great especially now that I am a mother.
But it happens at the end of every vacation I have ever had where I get antsy to go back to work. I get tired of looking for things to clean around the house, closets to organize, fighting the urges to snack, or beating myself up for the exercising I should be doing with all of this time off. I get to the point where I really need to go back to work and the routine of being a working mother in order to keep my sanity, confidence, and balance.
On Friday, when Nick and I had our date, we were driving to the mall to make an exchange and I said, "I feel so icky, almost depressed... I wonder why?" Then it dawned on me... I said out loud, "This is the first time I have left the house in 6 days!" We had been to Walmart on the Sunday before our date and since then every grocery, bank, starbucks, formula run was done by Nick. I have this thing when I am home with the girls that I AM HOME with them by their side playing with them, teaching them, or just watching them - because I know there is always a countdown to when I have to go back to work. And in those moments I don't want to leave but at the end of that chunk I scream inside, "Gaaaa I have got to get out!"
If there was a sudden windfall in our house and we could afford for me to quit my job to stay home with the babies I WOULD absolutely, hands down. But there would still be a couple of days a week or maybe three mornings where I would have them go to Mrs. Mim's house for them to play with her kids and so that I could do some of the things that I enjoy doing that help me feel balanced.