Tuesday, January 06, 2009

In Response to Mush

Even though I didn't make the list  I am going to post on a related subject of how sometimes I feel like mush.  And I am going to keep this short and simple.  For me, Mush happens when I am knocked off a routine.  I have an AMAZING schedule for work in which I leave the house at 7:15am and am home everyday by 4pm.  I work 180 days out of a 365 day year and I don't have to ask for additional time off... I can take it when I need it and no one questions me about it.  This is really great especially now that I am a mother.  

But it happens at the end of every vacation I have ever had where I get antsy to go back to work.  I get tired of looking for things to clean around the house, closets to organize, fighting the urges to snack, or beating myself up for the exercising I should be doing with all of this time off.  I get to the point where I really need to go back to work and the routine of being a working mother in order to keep my sanity, confidence, and balance.  

On Friday, when Nick and I had our date, we were driving to the mall to make an exchange and I said, "I feel so icky, almost depressed... I wonder why?"  Then it dawned on me... I said out loud, "This is the first time I have left the house in 6 days!"  We had been to Walmart on the Sunday before our date and since then every grocery, bank, starbucks, formula run was done by Nick.  I have this thing when I am home with the girls that I AM HOME with them by their side playing with them, teaching them, or just watching them - because I know there is always a countdown to when I have to go back to work.  And in those moments I don't want to leave but at the end of that chunk I scream inside, "Gaaaa I have got to get out!"  

If there was a sudden windfall in our house and we could afford for me to quit my job to stay home with the babies I WOULD absolutely, hands down.  But there would still be a couple of days a week or maybe three mornings where I would have them go to Mrs. Mim's house for them to play with her kids and so that I could do some of the things that I enjoy doing that help me feel balanced.


Mary said...

I'm not a mom yet and I might never be...who knows. Right now, I think there is a 50/50 chance and I think we'd be okay either way.

But, sometimes when I read your blog, I think.. maybe one day I could be a mom like THAT. I appreciate your struggle between wanting to be with your girls all the time, every second and needing to enjoy all the other facets of your life plus a little time away just for yourself or time for you and Mr. NM. And you learn something every day like how not to give your kids an ear infection inadvertently:-)

Anyway, good post. Thanks for sharing.

Stephanie said...

I think my brain turns to mush mostly because I'm not very good at dividing my attention. I know plenty of moms who can read while their children are occupied. I can't. I'm a terrible multitasker, so it's kind of funny that I enjoy staying home so much.

I really enjoyed working part-time, because it gave me time every week to think about something new. I'm starting with a new client tomorrow, actually, and am really looking forward to that.

And I agree - if you stay in the house too long, the walls start to close in on you.

Elizabeth said...

Yes, moms definitely need their out-of-the-house time. It was a big shock for me right after I left work to be home full time, and I always felt like my brain was mush. But several months of this routine has trained me to think differently and stimulate my brain differently, and now I only need one or two days a week to get out, do errands, see people, have adult conversations with someone other than my husband. But BOY DO I NEED THOSE DAYS!! I depend on those days. My daughter does, too, because it's typically playdate and also the only time she gets out of the house.

Mary said...

I heard about sick Harper ( and possibly Lily too)...we're thinking of you guys and hope they are feeling better.