Friday, February 27, 2009
One week ago today I made a last minute call to stay home from work to care for two sniffling rasping babies with tired pink puffy eyes. I worried throughout the day that a.) I didn't have the time to be taking off from work - again and b.) are they really getting sick again? I reminded myself that I am a mother first and foremost and that when Nick and I made the decision to "start trying" I was throwing all other responsibilities and conveniences of pre-parenthood into second place. So I organized the clean burp cloths, the clean bottles, the nasal aspirators, and the nebulizer medications and began my little diary of ounces consumed, nap, tylenol, and breathing treatments. Thus began the race in which I contended to stay ahead of my sick children.
Saturday I was in the lead. I had it all under control, slow and steady.
Then Sunday came and we were faced with moving uphill. I guessed she was dehydrated and after googling infant dehydration Nick and I leaped from the couch and within 10 minutes we were sprinting to Baptist East. Blood tests, chest x-rays, and before we new it an ambulance on route to South. This was the part in the race where team members split up - team leader took the weakest link to get help and I took the detour back home with other team member to sit, rest, wait.
Monday and Tuesday are kind of blurry right now. This was the part where you are half way through and people on the sidelines are handing you water bottles and gel packs for immediate relief and for future preparation. This is the part where community stepped up and by grace gave you the strength you didn't know you have. Dinners, visits, phone calls, FB messages, donations all at once broke down my wall of doubt and reminded me that I was not in this race alone - not ever for one second. "Don't give up now Don't give up now Eye on the prize."
Wednesday. It could go either way. Will we stay here in middle place? Will we fall behind and never make it? Or, oh my gosh. There is the finish line; it's within reach I can see it!
Now it is Friday and I know I have broken through the ribbon of victory. It's cool down mode. Everyone is home. Everyone feels good. Everyone else is patting you on the back and telling you "good job." It's not time to start planning the next race. It is time to rest and rehabilitate and reflect on how good it feels to know that not only did you compete and keep your head up out of water but you came in first place.
Sunday, February 15, 2009
For a baby it means not enough naps and too much stimulation resulting in crankiness and the need for a more definite schedule.
For me, the symptoms are:
-irritability when the tv is on too loud early the morning
-the clean laundry is in piles on the ironing board, the extra chair in our bedroom, and the rocker in the nursery
-dirty wine glasses are in a row on the counter
-i stay in my pjs all day because what is the point in getting dressed at 3pm when you have no plans and the babies go to bed at 6pm
-i can't hold any concentration longer than 5 minutes to enjoy sitting down to blog or read a book
-the urge of wanting to shop or go out to eat but we can't afford it makes me anxious
-the urge to want to stroll around the neighborhood is ruined by rain or ear infections which makes me anxious
- the thought of more microwaved green beans and baked chicken nuggets makes me lose my appetite
There comes a point in my week when I realize I haven't treated myself lately and I start to go stir crazy. And by treat myself I don't mean buying a new wardrobe or getting a pedicure. I mean looking around at the house and thinking "it's so nice when the floors don't have a colony of dust bunnies holding an auction for the escaped dryer sheet" or being able to go for a jog and not wondering who I am inconveniencing by not being at home.
I have friends that I don't get to see enough that I miss. I have books that I want to read that are stacked on my night stand. I have blank canvases at Hobby Lobby that long to feel wanted and be displayed. I have split ends that need to be swept up and put out with the trash. I have purple clover in my yard that needs to be cut... wait, that's not my job, thankfully.
My parents always told me, and yours did too I am sure, "just wait until you have kids, then you will watch your life fly by." I can see how there is truth to that. As a working mom I work hard all week M-F 5:30am till 6:30pm and then the weekend gets here and all I want to do is just be. Then a new week starts and you think, "ga, we are half way through February!?" My babies will be one year old in exactly 3 months. One year has gone by almost!? That is crazy. On my next birthday I will be 27. 27 is so not old but I can see the end of my 20's coming fast.
There is a heaviness that weighs on me keeping me from enjoying the small stuff and getting the big stuff done. I posted once this summer about "small tasks, big accomplishments" and found that it is a new season, same situation.
So now, I hit publish post, take the last sip of my cold coffee, get dressed and start doing the things that need to get done. You don't have to be a mom to comment here - what are some of the small task that feel like big accomplishments that you are needing to get done?
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Gosh you know sometimes you just don't have anything to post. But here goes.
I'll start with a pro. The babies are doing well. 14 pounds each, rolling, laughing, playing on their tummies like crazy. Ear infections...a serious issue. Their premature small cranial structures are a breeding ground for bacteria which causes these infections we battle monthly. They are on their 5th or 6th antibiotic which is a blessing and a curse. We will probably be making an appt. with an ENT in the next 6 months to discuss the option of tubes. I had 5 or 6 sets of tubes and although my parents were worried I might have been deaf when I was a child but I made it... and so will they.
Con. Faculty meeting today was ... somber. Because of proration in the city of Montgomery 3 schools are definitely closing maybe 4 which means 600 kids are being dispersed into existing schools and 50-60 school personal will need to be hired. Which means all non-tenured teachers will not have renewed contracts. It was really disheartening to look around and see one teacher I work with 6 months pregnant wondering if she will have a job when she returns from her maternity leave. Another teacher is a husband and a father to children under the age of two. He, of course, is worried about not being hired back and having to switch to his wife's outrageous insurance premiums. My job, for now, is secure because I teach Special Ed. and even though I am very thankful for that my heart goes out to my coworkers who nerves are on edge with not knowing.
Pro. Instant brownies. Have you heard of these? Betty Crocker makes these little plastic bowls of brownies that you microwave for 1 minute 30 seconds and it's not bad. I had a sweet tooth that would not quit but wanted something quick so, Betty Crocker, kudos to you for making my life a little sweeter and my kitchen less of a hassle to clean up.
Con. My sweet little Ali needs a clipping in the worst way. She is dirty. She is matted in places, and well... she stank. But I just don't have $40 to spend at the Vet. She will have to wait until this Saturday when I can do it myself.
End on a Pro. THIS is AMERican IDOL!
Happy Wednesday all!