Potty

Recently, my mother made the snarky remark that "the girls should be potty trained by now, they are five!" ( love you mom! )

No. They are three.

A list of good reasons that I waited till 3:

-they can follow multistep directions

-they can intelligibly verbalize their wants and needs

-they respond well to positive praise

-they can help clean up

A list of bad reasons to wait till 3:

-i can't think of any bad reasons

-and no, it isn't the "sick of changing diapers argument," at this age, we were only changing diapers 2 or 3 times per day which was the clearest indicator that they were ready to be transitioned to toilet

I began this journey, technically, the day after Memorial Day, by ditching diapers, foregoing pull-ups, and putting them straight into panties. I heard so many versions of the "best way to potty train" and found that, like all other parenting techniques, my way is the best way :)

And I don't mean that I am 100% correct about everything I do as I parent, I mean that what works for us works for us. So, 11 days since I started this endeavor, H&L are using their potties at home AND using public potties when prompted, and yes, wearing a pull up at night and during naps. At first I used M&M's but now I don't have to. They like using the potty, amen.

However, what's an occasional sugar-free treat as reinforcement going to hurt?

NADA!

Simon Peter

Was Jesus' friend. When Jesus asked, "Who do you think I am?" Peter was the only disciple brave enough to answer back, "God's Son, the Messiah." Then Jesus said, "On this rock I will build my church." Matthew 16:18

This is the simple story that I told over breakfast this morning with H&L. I read the story and showed them the black and white line drawing of cartoon illustrated Jesus and Peter. Checking for comprehension I asked, "who is this?" and Harper said, "is Jesus." Then I pointed to Peter and said, "and who is this?" and Harper said, "is two Jesuses!" Not quite baby, but I'm sure there is a lesson in omnipotence there somewhere, right?

Anyway, I repeated Jesus' declare and asked them to say it with me. My three year old girls repeated, "On this rock I build my church!" and it occurred to me, "why is this the first time I have requested that they repeat Scripture back to me?" It seems like they are having fun and their words are intelligible...

Oh yea, because they are three.

But it also occurred to me that now is the perfect time. In the same way that they love and adore the idea of going to the beach or to the park to feed the ducks, they love and adore "Jesus." Why not foster this love and adoration? And how appropriate is it that the first verse that they lock into their memories and hearts be, "On this rock I will build my Church?"

Such a precious moment in my day.

Thank you Peter for your bravery.

Thank you Jesus for your Church.

Summer Staples

Apparently, blogging is not dead!

Thank you, to all of my stranger comments on my last post, and thank you to old friends who say, " Why don't you ever post anymore!?"

Summer is here. For me that means HOME, for 10 nice long weeks. So many home projects to start alongside raising two blossoming three year old girls. A short list of things to come:

1.) Read

Yesterday I joined the Montgomery Public library and walked out with Saving Cee Cee Honeycutt by Beth Hoffman. The perfect summer read and only 46 pages in I am hooked already. A "coming of age" story set in the deep South, 1960's, about a girl whose mother has died which forces her to move in with her Aunt Tootie. Beth Hoffman really gets me with passages such as,

Later that night, while Momma was asleep on the sofa, I searched through a chest of drawers in her bedroom until I found the strand of pearls she kept tucked inside a pink satin pouch. After pulling an old doily from beneath a lamp and grabbing a Christmas candle from a box in the closet, I went into the bedroom and closed the door. I bobby-pinned the doily to my head, lit the candle, and got down on my knees by the window. Though I wasn't sure exactly what to do, I gazed into the sky and rubbed the pearls between my fingers until they grew nice and warm.

2.) Simplify and give away

closets

drawers

toy bins

fridges

finances

3.) Run

The Atlanta Peachtree Road Race on July 4th with my friends Mary and Lane.

4.) Rest

If I can convince my three year old twins that naps are good then I shalt not let the pot call the kettle black...

5.) Repeat

5k Tuesday

A LONG time ago I posted about beginning the "Couch to 5 K" program. At the time I was doubtful and, honestly, not really looking forward to doing the whole running thing. I could jog 3-5 minutes then have to walk and dreaded the next jogging interval. I stuck with it though! If you are not a "runner" then don't tune out just yet...

Within 2 weeks I could feel my body changing and my ability to strengthen actually happening! Short 3-5 minute jogging intervals began to turn into 7-9 minutes intervals and there were times that I didn't even want to stop, even going uphill. I am amazed by the human body on so many levels.

I have survived two serious car accidents (neither time was I wearing a seat belt), recovered from several surgeries, given birth, gained weight, lost the weight, and am now running an average of 9 miles a week. I have never felt better, both in body and in spirit.

At the end of January I participated in my first 5k race in Prattville. It was a beautiful yet COLD day. I ran the first 16 minutes and needed to slow down the middle part of the race by going back to intervals. I managed to run the final mile and cross the finish line in under 38 minutes. As cliche as it sounds it really was the most gratifying to participate and finish rather than win.

As I got closer to the tape I look over and saw my prize: the man of my dreams and beautiful babies cheering for "Mommy."

Looking forward to:

Polar Bear Run

Resurrection Run

Footprints to the Finish-line

4th of July "I Run for the Party"

Interested in getting off the couch? Check this out:

Couch to 5k

A Mother's Spiritual Moments

My babies have been SICK this week. It all started early Saturday morning, about 3:30a.m. when one child woke up with a fever. The next day, the other baby caught it and currently both are suffering from upper respiratory infections and their regular seasonal asthma. They are pretty pitiful but illness is no stranger to them and dealing with it is no stranger, or enemy, to me.

Since Saturday, I haven't left the house, except to go to the pediatrician's office twice and pharmacy to pick up antibiotics, steroids, and cold and cough OTC meds. I have not put on make-up in all this time. I have showered twice...maybe three times. I haven't talked to anyone except through text messages and emails. Last night was the first night in 4 that I got uninterrupted sleep. My "routine" feels like a juggling act:

wipe a nose

change a diaper

give breathing treatments and meds.

clean up spilled juice

find the wipes

fold the laundry

has it been 4-6 hours yet? give meds.

bleach the counter tops

wipe a nose

change a diaper

read a story

cover up a baby with a blanket

has it been 3-4 hours yet? give breathing treatments and meds.

bleach the counter tops

repeat

There was a time in my life when I didn't have enough "sick days" in my "sick bank" to feel no pressure or guilt about staying home with sick babies. I would feel sick to my stomach thinking about work I was missing, paychecks getting smaller, and people at my job that would resent my multiple days off per nine weeks.

I worried. all. time. time.

Y'all. That fear and that worry is gone. Did you know that God promises to bless every little area that we worry about and not only take care of it but provide abundantly? I'll tell you an example. Two years ago, Harper was hospitalized for RSV and pneumonia. This was the winter after I returned from maternity leave so I had no paid leave to take. I emailed all of my teacher friends begging for donations for "sick days." I wasn't getting any responses and had reached a point where I was getting angry. Nick called to tell me goodnight - I was at home taking care of Lily while he stated in the hospital with Harper. I told him how I was feeling and he assured me that God was working it all out. 5 minutes later I had a call on my cell phone from an unknown number. I answered and heard an unfamiliar voice on the other end. A girl I had met two or three times through another friend was calling to tell me that her husband had taken a job in Mississippi and that she would be leaving her teaching job at the end of the year... and that she had 15 sick days to give me. I will never forget being unable to speak, wiping away tears. I thanked her as best as I could, laid my baby down in her bed, walked to my bedroom, got down on my knees, and said, "shame on my Lord, please forgive me, for doubting you."

Both of my children were hospitalized again the following year and now this little setback... and I have the days, because of her gift, my answered prayer.

Anyway, I had a spiritual moment today because in between bleaching and wiping, I was sitting on the floor with my sick children playing pretend tea party, listening to Christmas music for the first time this season, and just breathed in and out thinking, "wow, what a gift to be home, to be mommy, to be free from worry, to be getting to spend three days with these beautiful children in their time of need."

As I type I am sitting in my old red chair beside the Christmas tree, listening to Celtic Christmas music and basking in the meaning of the season which is "peace on Earth."

Peace starts small. in your heart. in your home. in your relationships. out in your community. to other people in this big big world.

I tell you this one example of giving and peace in my life to hopefully give you a little encouragement this time of year in case you are worrying or depressed about something going on that feels impossible. Do you believe in miracles? They happen everyday. Christmas is about expecting great things, so much more than what's wrapped under the tree.

Bird-days and Content-ness

This morning I was riding with my family of four to church. We don't play the radio during these thirty minute trips to "the Preferred City" (a nearby town, not the name of our Church, for all of you non Montgomerians.) We don't play the music stations or talk radio so that our family can talk. Having 2.5 year old twins means that Nick and I are doing most of the listening but you get what I am saying. Between the car ride and Sunday school there were some pretty good conversations. I'll fill you in on a couple.

Lily is obsessed right now with "birthdays." Anything birthday. Pointing out that candles have fire and cakes have candles and candles go on cakes and cakes are for birthdays. Singing the months of the year song at night and hearing me tell which family members' (immediate and extended family and friends) birthdays are in what months. The Birthday Song. We sing the Birthday Song to Campbell, to Rosemary, to Haddie, to Nini, to Mommy, to Daddy & sometimes... "to fill in the blank with a non-living object" such as, "happy birthday to time-out." If the thought has crossed Lil's mind during the day, then it deserves to be wished a "happy birthday" at night time before bed, after we read the Sharing Book.

Well, this morning, on the way to church, Lily started asking "Mama sing happ-ee bird-day?" I said, "Lily it is not anyone's birthday today, let's sing something else. We will sing "happy birthday" to Daddy on Wednesday because Wednesday is Daddy's birthday." Oops. Since I told that little true fact, and it is now 12:50p.m. Lily has stated that "Daddy will have a bird-day" in some form or fashion at least every half hour - assuring herself and me that we will sing the birthday song very soon, to Daddy.

As we made the exit off of the interstate, we had to wait a minute or two at a red light. You know how sometimes, when you are the passenger, your mind starts to drift as you stare past a nearby gas station or bait and tackle shop? Well my thoughts wondered back about a year and two months ago when Montgomery was getting Fallish and the sky was so blue and Thanksgiving and Christmas were just around the corner and I was un-diagnosed but positively depressed. The saddest I have ever been. I was painfully depressed about where I worked and more specifically for whom I worked (not to be mentioned or ellaborated on but trust me, I could write a book over the span of my life about what I learned and the tears I cried and couldn't fit it all in). When my mind came back, about the time we accelerated, leaving the red light, I looked at my Love, and said, "I am so happy. Remember this time last year when Sundays were the worst because it meant that Monday I was going back to "name of place I am not mentioning?"

"Yep" is all Nick said but I knew he knew exactly what I was saying.

"I am so happy right now in this season we are in" I said back.

and i mean it.

This is the best season of my entire life. I can't list out every thing that I am thankful for at home or in my relationships with my friends but as my list relates to my thought at the red light I will say that for the first time in my life I am so incredibly blessed by my full time job.

I look forward to Monday mornings when the coffee starts brewing at 6:05 and I hop in the shower, put on fresh ironed clothes, make the 4 minute commute, walk through the halls and am greeted by hundreds of smiling children's faces and other coworkers. My classroom is clean, organized, lit by two lamps and floor to ceiling windows that let in real sunlight. My room smells like apple cinnamon Glade plug-ins, paperback books, and pencils shavings.

During my day I write with inky felt tip pens, create with construction paper and glue sticks, play Go-Fish, diagram details of a story on a marker board, help memorize "sight words," laminate picture schedules, and re-inforce good citizenship by giving out stickers when I catch a student being helpful, kind, or patient.

My co-workers are really really nice and are also good at what they do and love doing it. I love my job. But for a long long time, this just wasn't so. At first I was just the odd one out - the new kid. Over the years it began to feel like not only was left out but I was sought out - to be punished, manipulated, and mistreated. Feeling like that made it really hard to find any joy from 8-4 Monday through Friday and not only then but on the weeknights and weekends because Monday was coming too soon to do it all over again. So many times I wondered, "why God? is it too much to ask for to be happy during the hours I am away from the ones I love the most?" Now, I have to cut myself off from my work knowing that it will still be there the next day and there are my personal duties and relationships waiting for me, often eating Nilla Wafers, sipping milk,wagging tail, and playing "scary cat" with my hero on the floor in the den when I walk in the door.

I am happy also because for the first time ever... I am just living- taking pleasure in the simplicity and comfort in routine. There isn't anything to wait on or figure out or hang on until. I am taking care of my body and have all that I need. In the past 8 weeks, Nick and I have had two very expensive emergencies occur and it hasn't once phased me to stress over it. We paid it and moved on. Spending time with friends and family isn't such a chore as it was when I was depressed because "time off" isn't "time away" or "time to turn off." Now it is blissful "time to be shared." Do you know what I am saying? When I was depressed, any time I had to myself I wasn't willing to share because there was nothing of myself I could give that wasn't required. It isn't like that now. I am not tired or irritable or unhealthy. I am awake, recharged, and seeing for the first time what it means to be completely content...

Thanks be to God.

5k Tuesday

This is not supposed to be a huge announcement or "pat on the back" of any sort but today I began the Couch to 5k program. For the past few weeks I have been mentally and physically preparing to begin training to participate in a marathon of some sort. I have never been a "runner" and might never be... jogging is more my style. However, after completing week one day one of C25K, I am fairly optimistic. Today's experience consisted of a 5 minute brisk walk and then 20 minutes of 60 second jog/90 second walk intervals. It felt really really good! I attribute my success thus far (I know it is only day 1 but I said I am being optimisic!) to three factors:

1.) motivation - I always said that when I quit smoking I would mark this accomplishment with something big. What better way to celebrate being smoke-free than to fricken' run!?

2.) healthy diet - again, I am not making a huge announcement that I will never have mexican food or dessert again but for TODAY I didn't have any sweets or heaping portions. Plus, I drank 64 ounces of filtered water before my jog.

3.) MUSIC PLAYLIST

I have never exercised using headphones and an ipod but recently, my sweet Love, surprised me with a lightweight set of headphones to use with our ipod nano (AND a cute little pink digital watch with a stop watch feature, thanks Love :) Lightweight useful equipment makes the jogging experience easier, faster, and more fun.

So here is my perfect W1D1 C25K playlist:

Mykonos - Fleet Foxes, (warm up)

My City of Ruins - Bruce Springsteen

The Rising - Bruce Springsteen

Hometown Glory - Adele

Magpie to the Morning - Neko Case

Somewhere Only We Know - Keane

I Saw God Today - George Straight

Falling Slowly - "Once" soundtrack

Halo - Beyonce (Help for Haiti)

Hallelujah - Justin Timberlake featuring Matt Morrison (Help for Haiti)

Let it Be - Jennifer Hudson (Help for Haiti), cool down

If you are thinking about this crazy thing called running check out any of the numerous Couch to 5K programs. The one I like is Cool Running.

Our Home in Fall

A few images of our home this Fall.

Me with my sweet little girls.

One Saturday morning.

A spooky pillow or two.

A "Fall" scented candle, so nice.

Acorns and a glazed pumpkin.

Sunday dinner: collard greens simmering and fresh baked corn bread in the oven.

MA Class of 2000 Reunion

October 8th and 9th I celebrated 10 years since graduation with Nick and two of my best friends from high school. Here are few snaps from the weekend!

Friday night, before the homecoming football game. Me with one of my partners in crime, Mary Tyler.

A few spirited decorations! Go Eagles!

An evening wouldn't be complete without some sort of entertainment performed by moi! Here I am reciting senior quotes after dinner, before the after party.

"With vigor and gusto" - Mer Brown

SO fun!

Standing next to my favorite 5th grade class. That little sign of my teacher with glasses is the exact same picture that hung in the exact same place when I was a 5th grader!

Finally, me with my two best friends Meredith and Mary Tyler at the after party.

It has been a really long time since I posted. So long that it is hard to think of what to say...

So I'll tell a little bed time story.

Tonight, a little loveable Lily told me that she loves me for the first time ever. I was rocking her before bed, as we do every night, and she said, "lub you mama, lub you mama..." and she said it a lot of times. It was such a wonderful feeling. I said it back to her twice as many times as she said it to me.

Meanwhile, a little curious Harper was still flipping the pages of her alphabet book, on the floor. When I called to her to come and sit with Mama and "Nini" she said, "no" and flipped on. I gave her a couple of more chances to obey and then stated the fact, "Mommy is going to turn off the light now because it is time for bed. Come and sit with me so I can tell you night night and we can rock rock." So, I turned off the light and waited for her to take 5 or 6 steps in my direction and reach out to me so that I could lift her little body and up, snuggle, and sing "sunshine."

However, instead I heard a very loud thud and immediately afterwards these pitiful whimpering words, "hit da head?!?!" I turned on the light and saw her sitting on the floor with her face about two inches from the chest of drawers. The poor thing had walked right into the metal hardware and had a large red splotch and little blue indentation right in the middle of her forehead. Very very sad for her and very very stupid on my part. I scooped her up and cradled her and as she cried "Nini" said, "oh oh Haddie" in a very slow and soothing voice.

So the sad little Haddie felt better after a few kisses and the light turned off again. Then the mommy realized we hadn't changed into dry diapers yet and back on went the light. I changed their pampers and this time did not make yet another transition to the "rock rock" but instead I said, "it is late and you must go to bed right now." In true form, Lily repeated, "it is late it is late" about 15 times. Harper whimpered for one more "hug and kiss" (three or four were actually granted). Then I closed the door. I heard more whimpers for about 23 seconds and then nothing. Night night babies.

The end.

Because I Don't Want to Forget

Tonight, rocking my two baby girls before bed, Harper said, "mama take a sunshine away?" Which means, "Mama sing You Are My Sunshine."

I sang.

Lily said, "no take it away? no take it away?" because she didn't want me to stop singing...

So I said, "babies, let's pray."

Babies tightly clasped their little hands together and Harper beats me to it and she says,

"Dee God,

Tank-a a Mama...

"Yes baby, thank you for Mama"

"Tank-a a Dada..."

"Yes baby, thank you for Dada, and God thank you for Harper, and Lily, and Ali and for this day..."

"an tank-a a tu tu's???"

"yes baby, thank God for tutus too" ( as in the pink and purple ballet tutus the girls wore around the house tonight for an hour before bath time).

And we all said, "Amen."

Well, except for Lily who said, "no amen? no amen?" because she wasn't ready to be finished praying.

Thanks be to God.

Right Steph?

The Long Walk Home

Did you ever watch the movie "The Long Walk Home," filmed here in Montgomery, Alabama in 1990. I was 8 years old when my dad took me to Cloverdale school for try outs and casting. My parents were shocked and pleasantly surprised when we received a call asking if I would be a "stand in" for Lexi Randall who played the character of Mary Katherine Thompson. Every day that summer, my mom, sister, and I would go to the set of the movie and I would get dressed in similar costumes to what she would be dressed in for her upcoming scene. While she practiced her lines I would "stand in" during rehearsal and play her part so that producers could test lighting and other technical responsibilities that goes with filming a movie. I remember wandering, alone, around the set one morning and feeling "caught" when a black lady, dressed as a maid, met me in the doorway of one of the rooms. I looked up at her, she held her hand out for me to shake, she asked, "what's your name?" I told her "Laura" and she said, "I'm Whoopie, it is nice to meet you." I ran back to Mama and was giddy with excitement but had to wait until she got off the telephone to tell her that I had just met a movie star! While I waited, I remember smelling my hand and noticing how my hand smelled like soap and cocoa butter lotion. In between takes I can also remember playing the game of "Operation" with Lexi and some of the other children on the set. I was paid $50 a day to be a part of this incredible movie production and, ultimately,once in a life time experience. My parents would have probably paid them to let me be a part of it! What a neat experience?

Today, my mother called me to tell me that the movie was showing on BET. I watched the whole movie start to finish. I have seen it before but today it was different watching. I am grown now with children of my own. I have 6 years experience working in the Montgomery Public Schools in neighborhoods of town now considered "bad parts of town" where I am the minority. The board of education and special education office is just down the street from the church where Dr. Martin Luther King preached about civil rights and equality. The big houses on Court Street and Oak Park all featured in the film are all real life places that I grew up around and until today took for granted. Today I watched this movie and I got choked up at certain moments and full out cried during other moments. I realized, though will never understand or feel, the awfulness of what blacks went through - and in some ways are going through today. I also realized that being from Montgomery and living here today is a huge privilege, in my opinion, because it is the birthplace of such a profound movement in American and World History. When I visit my in-laws in Selma, I don't drive over the Edmond Pettus bridge without remembering the individuals who marched and their cause and personal sacrifices.

As I watched "The Long Walk Home" I thought about how far the civil rights movement has come and how far it has to go, not just for black Americans but for anyone denied their civil rights. One of my close friends Adriana, a black woman, was visiting me, Harper, and Lily, one day last week and like during most of our visits, we got on the topic of things that annoy whites and blacks and how she and I play a role in our daily inter-racial interactions. I cherish her friendship on many levels. One, first and foremost, I love her for who she is and the friend connection we have. Harper also seems especially fond of her. She always climbs up in Adrianna's lap and while Harper play with Adriana's earrings, Adrianna plays with Harper's hair! But Harper really likes when "Adri-nana" shares her McDonald's french fries! Second, I cherish her friendship because she and I can be totally uncensored and REAL in discussing what is still dividing our two races - in both spoken and unspoken ways.

Dr. Lena Williams is the author of a book called "It's the Little Things" which I am currently reading. She writes about "community groups" of mixed races that meet in individuals' households to talk about "little things that annoy and divide the races." Adrianna and I kind of have a little community group of our own and I sometimes wonder if we should invite others to come along and join in discussions like the ones we have. Who would come? What could happen?

So I am thinking about civil rights today. The faces of those denied. The color of those faces, the faith of those faces, the sexual preferences of those faces, the sex or gender of those faces, the list goes on and on. The spectrum is so broad... forgive the pun.

It has been a long while since the last time I posted and the reason for that is mainly because I have been busy as a little bee.

Summer vacation has ended for both children and teachers which means I am back at work. I started therapy at a new location this year. I am based at an elementary school five days per week with no traveling! I love and mean really love my school. The administration, teachers, staff, and students are all spectacular. I worked really hard in my classroom to make it both fun and conducive to learning for the kids. Every morning that I go in and sit at my desk or kidney-shaped table I feel comfort. Just like when you were a kid and might have loved organizing new pencils and trapper-keepers, I love coming into my room and sorting through new clean data sheets and colorful post-it notes. Right now, I have 35 active students on my roll with 3-5 referrals pending. This is by far the largest caseload I have ever worked with at a single school but, needless to say, I will be busy and challenged which is exactly what I was praying for this year.

My own children have been sick with colds this week. Runny noses and 24 hour fevers. Last night we had a bought with vomiting due to restricted breathing and excess mucous that upset Lily's tummy. At bath time, we soaked them in Johnson & Johnson's "soothing vapor bath" which if you haven't tried, I highly recommend. I have even used it myself to relief allergic congestion and sinus pressure.

This morning my Love, quietly slipped out of bed, switched off the baby monitor, and got the girls up and through breakfast without waking me up. I slept until 9:45a.m. and was greeted by sweet babies, hot coffee, and French Toast. What a wonderful love.

Not too much on the list of things to do today. I am on my second load of laundry and third episode of Dragon Tales. The sky is slightly overcast which means that there might be a stroll in our future. Nick is checking out Blockbuster's Red-box flicks at the moment which will probably mean we will have a date, sipping red wine, cooking something fabulous, and watching a movie.

Happy Saturday to all!

Oh My...

See this adorable face? This is my precious Ali Carrie. She is our furry child and is 4 1/2 years old.

Ali loves to sleep under our bed, play tug of war with her sock, and eat treats.

Anyone who has ever met Ali Carrie will agree she is very very sweet and adorable.

I love her very much.

This is a silly picture of Ali Carrie, taken one afternoon during one of her snoozes on the couch. How could you not love a face like this?

I chuckle every time I see this picture of her.

Today, I was petting my little AC and giving a good rub when I felt something... strange...

THIS IS WHAT I FOUND!

I called the vet and took her in for an emergency visit. At first, they told me it was probably just a "wolf fly" larva, imbedded in her skin.

Turns out, it is just a subcutaneous cyst that has errupted. Dr. A. said that they basically treated it like a big pimple, squeezed it out, and follow up will be a 10 day treatment of antibiotics. He also said that there is a small chance that it could re-occur. Let's hope it doesn't!

I begged them to give her a good haircut before pick up time in hopes that she will not be so hot for the remainder of the summer and to help me spot these troubling, and disgusting disturbances.

All is well though. Can't wait till be get her home, back under our bed where she loves to be!

Grown Up Friday Night

At 7 p.m. tonight my family of 4, two adults and 2 two year olds were sitting on the floor watching the rain come down "cats and dogs." The driveway looked like a silver pond and the gutters on the corners of the house like steady rapids. The thunder was cracking, sending my toddlers into a frenzy.

Nick made the comment, "if I didn't have kids to help put to bed, I would lay right here on this couch all night long and probably not move until tomorrow morning when it is time to get up..."

I said, "after they go down, do you want to play Phase 10?"

"YES!" he replied.

Then it dawned on me. There are a lot of teens and younger adults in their early 20's that are getting all "dolled up" on this Friday night, staring out the window, checking their Weather Channel phone app. and saying things like,

"Damn, I really wanted to sit outside at Sinclair's tonight..."

"Oh well for the cook out at So and So's... maybe it will let up by then..."

"Guess they will call off the Biscuit's game, what now?"

"Man, I straightened my hair and want to wear my cute new tube top but this rain is ruining my outfit!"

It made me chuckle because I can remember "getting ready" for a Friday night out and being heartbroken when torrential rains began to pour down.

But now, I sit in my living room and think two things:

1.) this is perfect card playing weather

2.) AWESOME, the Tru-Green guy left a note on Wednesday after fertilizing and weed killing the yard that we need to keep the grass cut (done Thursday) and water heavily (done!)

It was a very grown up moment for me tonight to realize that I love the rain not only for all of it's obvious comforting reasons but also because it is good for our grass! There is truth in the notion that we all turn into our parents!

How did you spend your Friday night rained in - or out?

Q & A Wednesday

What is one of your "Holy Moments?"

***

After reading this post I reflected on my own "Holy Moments." Here was my answer:

"I am grown now with two children of my own and many Holy Moments with them to share, but one moment in particular that I will always cherish was years ago when my little sister and I were lying in bed one night - Whit 10 years younger than me. I, at the time was 14 or 15, she was 4 or 5, and I was rubbing her back. I apologized for having cold hands and she rolled over, turned her little baby face to me, held my hand and said, "why are you sorry? don't be sorry, they are your hands and they are cold. you can't help it" and she put the blanket over my hands. I have never forgotten that moment of when a child first taught me (then also still a child!) of what it meant to give up one's own pleasures to help another's suffering...

I have told Whit, now 18, that story since then and she laughs and has no memory of it. My prayer is that we can all be back in touch with our inner child, with perfect faith and testimony of God's merciful love.

Mother's Meltdown

Well I had a melt down of sorts today. Not a big one with pouting and tears and "why me" and all that. Just a little one. One that comes with a sudden need to be alone and quiet and not needed - sounds really really selfish right? It didn't take long. An hour or so. And in that time I sat on out guest bed, then I took a bath. I thought and thought and thought. Melt downs don't come often but but boy when they do...

The day started out as days around here usually do. Got the kids up and coffee poured and started in on chore 1, 2, and 3. Then, all of a sudden, I hit a wall where I asked "am I doing enough?" For myself? More importantly for my children? It all boils down to this simple fact:

I am not a "stay at home mom" by definition so pretending to be one for 8 weeks in the summer time has had it's ups and suddenly today, it's takes DOWN - Ironically on the exact same day that I patted myself on the back for letting my kids watch T.V and in the same boast bragged that my kids don't suffer from watching too much T.V. And that is still a true fact. But what I am noticing is that in these 8 weeks my kids have gotten entirely t-totally attached to ME... literally. I cannot hold one enough. I cannot play with ONE enough, not to mention both of them. I cannot feed them enough - exhibited when Lily gets bored she asks to "EAT!" Now, even when I close the door to use the restroom I see two little shadows under the door and hear whimpers of Mama? Mama? Mama? while I say, "Mama needs privacy! Be patient" When the truth is, it is hard for me to keep mine... this being "needed" all day, every minute of the day.

There are a lot of women out there who pout and gripe about not being able to stay at home with their kids which is a really nice way to say "not work." I can even remember sitting at my parents' kitchen table while the twins were in the NICU literally crying on the table because Nick and I couldn't find a financial way to let me stay home with them. And now, I thank God for it. I love my kids. I love spending time with my kids and I love parenting them. More. Than. Anyone. Will. Ever. Know.

But here is the thing... I know a couple of stay at home moms and they do the job supremely well. And you know what I have learned? Being a "stay at home mom" means rarely do you stay at home. You see, my girls are 2 years old now... they are learning and growing and "waking up" so to speak. I emailed a stay at home mom friend today and said, "it is almost as if H&L are growing too big for our house." That isn't it she reassured me...

They need to get out... they want to get out. They don't know that is what they need... but it is. It is really hard to admit all of this because I feel... FAILURE. And trust me, I am NOT looking for a wash of sympathy or encouragement in posting all of this. If anything, I hope that someone is reading this and saying, "yea... me too, whew."

It isn't like we sit around and eat cereal all day. We DO STUFF. But I reached a point today in realizing that they just aren't babies anymore. They are little people. That is why I am excited to be more creative in the coming weeks while I am still playing "stay at home mom." And because I do have to go back to work in 2 weeks I am really blessed and excited for them to go to a Mother's Day Out program at our church in 6 weeks.

I can't count the number of times I thought about erasing this post and just shutting up... but that wouldn't be keeping it real... sharing the baby steps.

Children's Television

I have 30 minutes to sit at the kitchen table, with my cup of coffee (Italian Sweet Cream creamer), and play on the computer while my kids watch an episode of Barney and Friends. Today is the first day they have layed eyes on the imaginary purple monster. They are definitely interested. Harper is sitting in her "rock-rock" chair and Lily chose to sit or stand on the floor (it changes each time I turn around) right there in front of the t.v.

I am also going to let them give Clifford the Big Red Dog a go later today. We tried to watch about 5 minutes of Clifford yesterday but it didn't really hold their attention past the excitement of saying "dog!?" a few times.

Nothing captures my kids' attention and affection though like Elmo's World on Dvd. What started it all was this little book the babies received from their Gramma. The cover of the book has a little felt Elmo finger puppet and the pages are songs you can sing with your child while you watch Elmo "clap" along ( pictured above).

Harper was in love immediately. When they turned two in May, I told Nick that I thought Harper should have a plushy Elmo doll to share with Lily but in reality it was my hopes that Elmo would be her "lovie" just as Lily has her three little blankies that she sleeps with every night - which is why we bought her a real "baby doll." Well, Harper wants nothing in her bed except her thumb and her self. If you give her any animal or blanket she will say, "no" and throw them over the side of the bed. So Elmo gets to sleep with all of the other animals in the toybox... or on the floor... or on the couch. Also for their birthday my mother, their Moomps, bought them 2 Elmo movies.

Good grief.

These girls would sit in front of the T.V. all day if I let them. I remember reading a few posts a little while back by some super mom/super blogger out there about popular opinions on children watching too much television and the adverse social affects, etc. I get it. I really do.

But in my house, here is the deal, my kids watch a lot of t.v. But they also play in their room with each other, go outside, and on field trips and JUST TURNED TWO YEARS OLD. In a month they will be going to a Mother's Day Out pre-pre-school program at our church three days a week. At their stage of development I am just not worried about them watching too much t.v. because, honestly, the quality of what they are watching is so good. As I said, my kids turned two in May and they both know all 26 letters (sometimes confusing x and k) and can name numbers 1-10. They also ask questions about things like bugs and airplanes because of the shows they watch and the books we read. I am very happy to see their language progressing the way it is and get more and more excited about Mother's Day Out starting in September.

One of their Elmo Movies is called "Elmo: Reach for the Sky!" On the cover of the box there is a little yellow school and the babies call this episode of Elmo "Eh-mo go to Skoo?" So it will be neat when they make the connection that their really is a place called school. I really don't have a doubt in my mind that they will love school. Trying not to wish these final days of summer away though! This really is, for many reasons, going to be the best Fall ever.

Single Ladies

Y'all I seriously don't know how all the single ladies do it.

And by single ladies, I mean, single moms.

Single, working, or stay at home moms, either way, if you are single, or have a really really lazy selfish partner that never helps... how do you do this thing called parenting and everything else that life requires?

NO I'm not single AND a mother of twins, are you crazy? My amazing husband is on a Mission Trip... his second week long trip this summer. Right now, for me that means 8 days and nights of having these precious amazing and very active two year olds all to myself. Today is one of those days where it is 6:53p.m., bed time is at 8:00, and I AM ABSOLUTELY WORN OUT. My back hurts, to the point I might skip giving them baths tonight, my feet hurt, seriously, even my eye balls hurt a little bit.

Please don't consider this post a big gripe because I know that I would not trade being a mother for anything in the entire world, but I mean, could I have done this single - with no help? That is my question. Actually, no... it isn't the question, nor the point.

The truth is... even if I were single, of course I could do it. The way I love my children, I could have 10 more and wouldn't question whether or not I could. Of course I could and I would, because I love my children so much and it is my responsibility to do everything for them while they can't do it for themselves. And every single day is such a blessing in our lives together.

There are too many rewards in spending time with my children to count

And most days it doesn't feel like work at all

But some days it does

So on the days that it does, I can't help but wonder what it would be like to not have someone that loves them just as much as I do sitting beside me at the end of the day and waking up next to me in the morning to do it all over again

So here is my pat on the back to you, all the single ladies (two of my dear friends in mind),

all the single ladies.

Remember when a couple of days ago I bragged about the whole "I take naps everyday" thing?

This morning when I first woke up and stumbled to the coffee maker I felt like I did back when I had two newborns. Groggy, achy, and ready for bedtime - as a result of some really bizarre sleeping patterns lately. A few posts ago I mentioned "napping when they nap." Grown up naps are good when needed but when taken to the extreme, meaning getting into the habit of everyday, I think it actually becomes a bad thing... for me a very bad thing. My sleeping patterns are very very messed up. Not to mention that night before last, I chaperoned a youth all girls spend the night party and had a lot of good clean fun but stayed up later than I have in over two years. The last time I looked at the clock it was almost 4 a.m. Yea.

I have no idea why, maybe a weakened immune system due to lack of sleep, but when I don't sleep, I get ill- physically and emotionally. SO I came home and rested for 2 or 3 hours before showering and going on a REAL DATE with my husband and two very special friends. Nick and I went to the Tipping Point for two drinks then down town, with our friends, to Lek's where I consumed ridiculous amounts of quality delicious sushi.

We were back home by 11p.m. watched an episode of Work of Art and were in bed by midnight. I had one of those nights where I woke up every hour, tossed and turned, and honestly could argue that I might not have truly slept at all.

I woke up around 7 and really wanted to sleep "late" - till 8:30 or 9 when the babies get up... but just couldn't - I could not stop thinking of how awful the night's attempt to sleep had been! I got up, poured an amazing cup of coffee, flipped through a Pottery Barn catalog and then decided to take a shower... which in the summer time I rarely do first thing in the morning. It was so nice to feel hydrated cool and clean that I decided to give the babies a bath first thing this morning as opposed to at bedtime.

So we are all feeling good this morning and I am going to do my darndest, as hard as it may be, to NOT nap today and see if by staying busy I can get my body back into normal routine of normal sleeping hours...