Monday, June 29, 2009
This was supposed to be a post on procrastination... hold on.
...so this post started out as a post about procrastination and then it turned into something deeper. (don't get too excited, it's nothing controversial, just a stream of thinking...)
Sometimes you put something off for so long that you actually dread doing what your are putting off so much that you keep putting it off. And the thing about procrastination is that normally, the thing you have been putting off isn't that bad once you get started and finally finish. Balancing a checkbook, going to the grocery store, organizing your kitchen drawers, calling a relative, writing a blog...
Believe it or not, I am a "doer." Not to be confused with a "goer." I get this from my dear mother. I am perfectly content being at home creating little projects and or revisiting old ones. I like little tasks and I like chores. I like the feeling of being done with something. I like the feeling that I just made my surroundings more simplified and more comfortable and more clean. Stacey and Clinton (TLC What Not To Wear) say that your wardrobe should reflect who you are as a person (working on that soon too) and I believe that your house should too. You don't have to have a lot of money or the nicest most modern decor in your home to say that you are put together and with the times... that isn't what I am talking about. I am talking about how, for me personally, when my house has clean countertops and floors I feel happy. When clutter is either thrown away or has it's own place, I feel in control. When my bills and calendar are color coded and stacked neatly on the desk I feel like we are one step closer to this idea of "financial peace." When a candle is lit and there are vacuum lines in the carpet, I feel relaxed. When my closet is organized I don't feel like I have nothing to wear. You get my drift.
It isn't all I do though. Obviously, I have two children. People always say, "I don't know how you do it with twins!?!" I have always said, "I really don't know how you do it with one." When Harper was in the hospital with pneumonia and Nick and I alternated staying with her and staying with Lily at home... I felt very "off" taking care of one infant at home... like I wasn't doing enough.
You have heard that things that happen to us in our childhood shape who we are as adults...
I remember going to visit my dad and step mom on the weekends. My STEPmother was a compulsive obsessive cleaner... to the point that I have very vivid memories of waking up in the mornings and making my bed... like I would do at my house, la-ti-da would go play, then coming to my room later and the bed had been "undone" and "re-made" - straighter, tighter, better. And my clothes that I had stacked on the dresser I couldn't find. They had been hung up or folded and put back in my suitcase, in the closet. That always hurt my feelings. I mean, I can see where she was coming from... but the point in telling you all that story is this: my girls will have chores and tasks to do around the house, like make their beds and put away their laundry. But it won't be about how well they do it... just that they do it. I don't ever want to teach them about responsibility and then squash their self esteem by saying "not good enough."
Ok, seriously, I am not like storming off crying and punching the walls saying "not good enough!!! not good enough!!!! I am going to make an omelette and finish watching the Today show :)