This was supposed to be a post on procrastination... hold on.

...so this post started out as a post about procrastination and then it turned into something deeper. (don't get too excited, it's nothing controversial, just a stream of thinking...)

Sometimes you put something off for so long that you actually dread doing what your are putting off so much that you keep putting it off. And the thing about procrastination is that normally, the thing you have been putting off isn't that bad once you get started and finally finish. Balancing a checkbook, going to the grocery store, organizing your kitchen drawers, calling a relative, writing a blog...

Believe it or not, I am a "doer." Not to be confused with a "goer." I get this from my dear mother. I am perfectly content being at home creating little projects and or revisiting old ones. I like little tasks and I like chores. I like the feeling of being done with something. I like the feeling that I just made my surroundings more simplified and more comfortable and more clean. Stacey and Clinton (TLC What Not To Wear) say that your wardrobe should reflect who you are as a person (working on that soon too) and I believe that your house should too. You don't have to have a lot of money or the nicest most modern decor in your home to say that you are put together and with the times... that isn't what I am talking about. I am talking about how, for me personally, when my house has clean countertops and floors I feel happy. When clutter is either thrown away or has it's own place, I feel in control. When my bills and calendar are color coded and stacked neatly on the desk I feel like we are one step closer to this idea of "financial peace." When a candle is lit and there are vacuum lines in the carpet, I feel relaxed. When my closet is organized I don't feel like I have nothing to wear. You get my drift.

It isn't all I do though. Obviously, I have two children. People always say, "I don't know how you do it with twins!?!" I have always said, "I really don't know how you do it with one." When Harper was in the hospital with pneumonia and Nick and I alternated staying with her and staying with Lily at home... I felt very "off" taking care of one infant at home... like I wasn't doing enough.

You have heard that things that happen to us in our childhood shape who we are as adults...

I remember going to visit my dad and step mom on the weekends. My STEPmother was a compulsive obsessive cleaner... to the point that I have very vivid memories of waking up in the mornings and making my bed... like I would do at my house, la-ti-da would go play, then coming to my room later and the bed had been "undone" and "re-made" - straighter, tighter, better. And my clothes that I had stacked on the dresser I couldn't find. They had been hung up or folded and put back in my suitcase, in the closet. That always hurt my feelings. I mean, I can see where she was coming from... but the point in telling you all that story is this: my girls will have chores and tasks to do around the house, like make their beds and put away their laundry. But it won't be about how well they do it... just that they do it. I don't ever want to teach them about responsibility and then squash their self esteem by saying "not good enough."

Ok, seriously, I am not like storming off crying and punching the walls saying "not good enough!!! not good enough!!!! I am going to make an omelette and finish watching the Today show :)

This Will Have to Tide You Over...

-Starting at about 1:00p.m. today I won't see my husband very much until about noon on Wednesday. It is Annual Conference time for the Alabama West Florida United Methodists. Nick and about 1,499 other Methodists will be worshipping, fellowshipping, and taking care of church business ( you didn't know that church had business to handle did you?) at Frazer from today through Wednesday. For you this means 1.) you should say prayers for this event 2.) I most likely won't be doing any major updating on my blog between now and then.
"WHICH IS WHY...WAIT FOR IT, WAIT FOR IT...
I started a Twitter!
and it's gonna be legen-dary" ... if you don't watch How I Met Your Mother, start Net Flix'n it immediately.
I have the next 7 weeks for summer vacation to be spent at home and throughout my day I would catch myself saying one line descriptions of my activities, or something funny a baby just did, or maybe I would hear something ridiculous on the Today show and want to share... so what the heck.

-My sister called me from the Cold Play show in Nashville last night. The first time she called was during the opener, Life in Technicolor. The second time was during Lovers in Japan... I could hear people commenting about the paper butterflies. It kind of made me tear up a little and really miss that night at Oak Mountain - minus the overwhelming blanket of clove smoke, perfection.

-I should mention how absolutely in love with my two daughters I am. I am having so much fun rotating from station to station in the house during the day and going on little quick outings like to Shakespeare or the YMCA. During the times when we are on the floor or in the back yard I talk to them and help them build block towers or read a book... but about every 5 minutes I just close my mouth and watch them with this big grin on my heart. They are so beautiful and becoming such little people. I told Nick the other night to enjoy holding them at night time because before we know it they will be so long... still holdable, but cradling a toddler is not the same as rocking an infant. Parents... agree?

-Today I am attempting to begin on closet organization. Is there such a thing?

I leave you with the most beautiful faces I have ever seen.

Harper's little nose has a tickle

Lily devouring her giraffe

babies

Harper saying, "Pick me Mommy, pick me!"

Harper on the left, Lily on the right

Lily, I can really see her hair is getting lighter

Owie

Seriously, I am lying on my back, on our bed, with the laptop propped up on my knees/balancing on my stomach... why? Because I have the 2nd worst crick in my shoulder blade and neck I have ever had in my life. The worst was when I was on bed rest for 10 days last year before the babies were born. But this one is pretty bad... not awful. I can still move... but very rigidly and if every move is thoroughly planned out. I will say it is very hard to lift the girls. Typically I carry them with my left side. Seeing how this is the injured side I am having to scoop with both arms and swing child to the right side... but since I can't really turn my face to see her on my right side I end up like... holding her butt with my left hand and her head with my right hand so she is like... lying down in my arms perpendicular to my body while I quickly shuffle from point A to point B. Yikes. It is going to be a long day.

How did this happen? I am not sure. I can say that I have been extraordinarily busy since Monday. Exercising, lifting babies, doing some (though not much) house chores. It could be just one of those things that happens due to over-activity. How the heck do I treat this? Thus far I have had one round of heating pad today and one Icy Hot rub down. This sounds really really bad but I have been saving my last painkiller pill from my CSECTION for a time when I really might need it. Today might be the day... is that a big deal? I really really am hurting.

Suggestions?

Got Underwear?

So I was reading a friend's blog this morning and she posted about a patient of hers that has Alzheimer's Disease and it made me think back...

Did you know that my first "grown up" job after college graduation I worked as an Activities Director at an assisted living/Alzheimer's care facility? I didn't appreciate it at the time. My position was short lived because I let the pressures of scheduling and community contacts and being a people pleaser break me down, but I do have some really great memories of my relationships with the residents and some of their bittersweet mistakes they made as a result of dementia. (For the record, I was not fired. I resigned after I heard of an opening position with my current "company".)

One of my favorite residents was Rose. Rose had the beginning stages of dementia. She was Italian and lived most of her life in New York. She had to move to Alabama after her husband died - her daughter's husband was serving in the military, stationed here in Montgomery. Rose would come to me almost every single morning and ask,

"Have you seen Ri-chaaad!? He didn't come home last night and I bet he stayed out too late with his friends. If you see'em, tell'em I'm lookin' for 'em!"

I would have to tell her "Rose, Richard is dead. He passed away two years ago, remember?" She would raise her hand to her forehead and say, "REALLY!?! JE-sUUUUUs, how could I forget that!? Oh well... I'm gonna go read the pay-pah now ok? I'll be in they-ah" and she would point to the living room with her cane and hobble off. I know it sounds really sad that someone would have to get the news that their husband died everyday... but in all honesty, she took the news really well, every time.

But my favorite "Rose" story was one day while I was in my office she came in frantically saying...

"Uh, Miss? Miss? Miss, someone stole my unda-way-uh!"

I asked, "Someone stole your underwear?"

"Yeee-ah. I went ta look in my droo-ah this mornin' and I heee-ad only one clean pay-ah."

"Oh, ok. Some one stole your underwear, and you are right, one clean pair is not enough.

Come on, let's go to your room and I'll help you look, maybe you just put them in a box or drawer someplace and forgot to look there."

We walked down the hall towards her room and had to pass by the activities room. Something bright caught my eye as we strolled past. I turned to look and there across the back window overlooking the courtyard, like a birthday banner, were 8-10 pair of huge white "granny pannies" hanging to dry on the blinds, each secured with a wooden clothes-pin. I told her to go on to her room and that I would be right there...

I walked over to the window and sure enough, in the most scribbly black permanent marker handwriting was "Rose" written in the elastic waistband of each garment.

She must have hung them to dry after doing her laundry late the night before. Of course, I took them to her but didn't explain how I found them... it didn't matter how I found them. If she couldn't remember hanging them in such a public place as the Activity and Recreation room then why embarrass her by telling her the news?

Ah Rose, rest in peace.

new book breeds new desires

... because it is what you should do when you have a little quiet time in the mornings when babies are sleeping.

While I am still in the middle of one novel, I have started another book this morning by Donald Miller. It is called "prayer and the art of volkswagen maintenance." The title is not capitalized on the cover of the book so I am not capitalizing here either... also, I wanted to underline the title but haven't figured out how to do that. I wanted to share one neat little passage from page 10 that I liked and that I wish I had known about yesterday when I posted about it being the arrival of summer vacation for me. It goes,

"After that we have no plans except to arrive in Oregon before we run out of money. We share a sense of excitement and freedom. Not a rebel freedom, rather, a deadline-free sort of peace. There is no where we have to be tomorrow. There is no particular road we have committed to take...

Clearly, this book is about two guys on a cross country road trip with no jobs and no kids... who does that? I am not considering quitting my job or giving up my kids but experiencing that "deadline-free peace" with them, YES. It may just be a trip to the Farmer's market with them or strolling to the water's edge of the pond at Shakespeare but this summer I want to feel and do things that awaken my inner child and feed my soul. The babies' are too young to finger paint or help me cook... all of that will come in time... but until then I can enjoy the fact that they are just "along for the ride" and be the most awesome tour guide mommy ever... they just woke up from their naps... I think I will take them to the pond... why not?

Summer, Day One

Do you remember that feeling you would get as a little child the night before Christmas or just before going on a big trip? The anticipation... the excitement... the urgency to just get there!?! And then feeling so sad when it was over that you almost wish that everyday was "the night before?" That is kind of what today is like for me. It is day 1 of summer vacation and I have really been paying attention to the clock today and doing things I love to do because 8 weeks is all I have to enjoy being off work. I don't want to sound "braggy" in this post because I am sure everyone reading will think, "must be nice" to have vacation that lasts for 8 weeks when a lot of people can't even get one free evening to do what they want. It isn't bragging... it is just a fact that being a teacher is the best place for me to be at this time in my life. I have complained before that I wish I didn't have to work but if working full time is where God has me right now then working full time as a teacher is the next best thing to being a stay at home mom. I am not bitter anymore about not getting to stay home full time with my kids... I am not even bitter about how expensive child care is. I am just thankful. My heart is full. This morning I made a promise to myself that I would not waste this time. It would be nearly impossible though to feel as though any of this time is wasted seeing that I am home with the two most beautiful baby girls in the world. I have three "big To-Do's" on my list for this summer that will require discipline but they are goals I can achieve. Looking forward to days ahead and living in the moment!