Sunday, March 15, 2009
At random times during my motherly duties, like rocking my baby to sleep or comforting during a teething ache I wonder to myself, " Does she know that I am her mother? Me? " Sometimes I just can't wrap my mind around the fact that I am the one person on Earth that these precious babies will call Mama.
Starting yesterday morning, Lily started babbling "Ma Ma Ma Ma" when she wakes up and is waiting on me in her bed and I said that it hurts SO GOOD to hear that. I come in and turn on the lamp and say back to her " Mama is here... MaMa" and she starts kicking and smiling. It feels really really good to be a mother and a Mama.
Stephanie often posts that throughout the newborn stage you have to remind yourself that soon a baby will start to "reciprocate" the love through giggling and more intense stares and we have rounded that corner. Now, when I feed the babies they look at me and smile, they touch my face, they nuzzle into my chest. They aren't "new borns" anymore... they are babies who know that they are home. They know their bedroom. They know their Ali. They know me. And it feels really good.
This week is Spring Break for me and that means I get 8 days of solid routine outside of the norm of waking up, getting me ready, getting them ready, and heading for work. This week I get to get up, sip coffee, sort laundry, play, and wait for them to wake up from their naps and repeat. If the weather would clear we might even get to do some out and about types of things. I would love to visit the zoo play on a blanket in the back yard. We may even make a day trip to Opelika to visit PawPaw (is that how you spell it?). But if not, being inside and being together will be better than writing IEPs and waiting to get to 3:30p.m. This week I plan to cook real meals. Write thank you notes. Revise our budget and maybe hang some curtains.
I cannot express how much I love being a mother without sounding cliche. Friday night I went to Birmingham to spend the night with some dear sorority sisters. We drank wine and ate ridiculously delicious cheeses and stayed up way too late. It would have been easy to say that I would love to go back to college days and do it all over again but that isn't the case. I am in my prime. I am doing what I believe I was made to do. A career was never that important to me and I was never really good at dating. In May of 2005 I met the love of my life and was swept up in a whirl wind of change: emotionally and spiritually. For two years we enjoyed each other in every sense of the word but there came the time when we started asking "what comes next?" It wasn't a house or a new job. It wasn't material things or building an "around the world" portfolio. I figured out that it was time to start planning for a family when it started to feel like something, or someone(s), was missing. I knew I was ready to be a mother when I started to feel the urge to start living for something more than myself and more than the "here and now." Having two children at once definitely satisfied those desires. My children have made my life more purposeful and my marriage stronger and more passionate. Before my children, I would say that my favorite time of day was crawling in bed and snuggling up to my sweet husband and talking about our day. Now, my favorite time of day is waking up. It may be something that you can't understand until you experience it for yourself. I just don't understand the folks that make the jokes about the ole' ball and chain in reference to marriage and family. If that's how you feel then you probably chose this life for the wrong reasons. Marriage and family is a gift and a privilage - not for everyone and that is FINE- more than fine. I have dear friends who are undecided about whether or not to have children and I am equally and excited to see your important decision and accomplishments. I just can't relate. But isn't that what interesting friendships and acquaintances are all about? Diversity?
Looking at where I was in the Spring of 2004 I would never have dreamed this is where I would be just 5 years later. Something to ponder... where will YOU be in 5 years?