Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Two sweet moments happened today.
One, I heard Lily tell me "no" for the first time.
We were playing outside this afternoon, perfect day for it. I had just taken down the "baby swings" and re-hung the "big girl" swings. Harper caught on like a pro. She sat, she grabbed onto the chain, and she locked her eyes on mine, silently saying, "you will catch me if I fall right?" We swung low and we swung slowly. Back and forth. Swinging like a big girl. I noticed Lily standing about 6 feet behind me, watching this new trick, intensely. I asked, "Lily, do you want to come and swing like a big girl?" She looked at me, she looked at the swing, she looked back at me, and then she said, "Nome... nome, nome, nome, nome, nome" and walked away, back towards the porch... almost like she was worried I would make her try it. I didn't make her try of course; she was very clear that she did not want to try. They both have been saying "yes" for about two months now in response to questions (do you want more? do you want to go outside? etc.) But until this moment had they never verbalized the "not-yes" - only silence and blank stares. I seriously had a moment. Seated on the grass, smiling at Harper, pushing her in the swing, and seeing her little feet brush the ground beneath her, glancing back at the other child carrying a football around the yard, I thought my baby just told me 'no' while the other is swinging in a real swing.
The second sweet moment happened just after bath time. I took Harper out of the tub first and into their room for diaper and pjs. Harper was squirmy and whiny and kept saying, "Nini? Nini?" I asked her, "what? Harper what do you want?" Again, "Nini?" I asked, "Do you want Lily?" and the happiest little light in her eyes turned on and she said, "Yessssss!!!" Of course, she wanted Lily.
I told Nick when he got home tonight, as cheesy as it sounds, "This is it. These are the moments where they are growing up right out from underneath us."
I know they can't always be our infants but I'm pretty certain they will always be our babies.
Saturday, April 24, 2010
It is one of those morning where the sky is gray and the coffee is so good. We spent the morning out and about. Me running a few errands and Nick and the babies eating breakfast in Pville, helping to raise funds for the Youth Choir. Now, I am having a little bit of "me" time on the porch, raining on the porch tin roof now... HARD.
Yesterday we watched "The Blind Side" and I cried during the entire movie. I don't know exactly why. Maybe because I saw the faces of the majority of my students in "Big Mike." Maybe because this movie/true story is so touching in itself. Rich white family in the deep south adopts a black boy from the projects and gives him an opportunity at education, sports, and family that he would not have ever gotten otherwise, due to the elements that goes with poverty, addiction, and the "system". This family took all of this on while being judged and even mocked by "friends," certainly society, and even the NCAA.
I have had one or two students that I have prayed about before...telling God, "if you want me to have her... I'll take her." One day last summer I was folding towels, thinking about this one little girl and her twin sister and their crack addicted mother - father in "lock up" (first grade girl's exact words). I was thinking how this little girl would stop by my room every morning just to say hi and ask how my babies are doing. And could she come over some time. And could she have my phone number because she promises she would call. Anyway, I kept folding and saying, "impossible. impossbile." Later that day I had some down time and flipped to that day's devotion in my Bible and the verse for that day was "what is impossible with man is possible with God." I cried then and there ... not because I believed that she would come home with me but for shame. Shame on me for dismissing a desire in my heart that could only be possible and arranged by our Great God. From then on, I agreed with myself to be open minded and open hearted and just believe... it may not actually happen, but it is not impossible.
My lack of faith that day is kind of like Sandra Bullock described in the movie... there has to be someone there to protect the blind side of the quarterback. Someone who can change the game with the right play because of their instinctive defense skills and tackles. We all have a "blind side." A lot of us genuinely know, love, and trust God but there are these little areas where we doubt. In fact, most times, we don't even know we have doubts... we don't recognize that we need protection from...whatever it is...until it hits you from behind.
Of course it is ok to doubt. You even learn that at church. What do you do with it though? You don't ignore. In fact, I say, be encouraged and excited about your doubts. It is in these small spaces in your heart and head that only God can touch. My dearest friend Sully, now in Heaven, used to say, "Stop your worrin' Mielke. Sit back and watch Him work."
Friday, April 23, 2010
These are photos taken at The Waters one Spring afternoon. The weather was nice and the scenery was breath taking. A friend of mine, Jackie Lucas, is an excellent photographer and comes to you... home, outdoors, or there is her in home studio. Check out her website at http://littleacornphoto.com
Jackie, thanks for the memories... and the images!
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
are funny to me.
I sat in on the boys HABIT small group tonight at church to listen to the boys discuss issues about when to listen to the "world" and when to listen to God. It was quite entertaining.
I looked around at 10-15 young preteen and teen faces and watched them cut eyes at each other after making a joke, high five each other after each correct answer, and some fiddle with their baseball caps.
I love little guys. I love their sense of humor and wit the most. No matter what age a little guy is, he can usually make me laugh the same way someone my age can. Most of all, I love watching the different kinds of guys- the cute one, the smart one, the shy one, the artsy one - and attaching a little guy from my past to who that guy is now... and who he will become. I don't mean to sound creepy but I can pick out the ones that I would have thought were cute then... and the ones that I encourage the girls to be friends with because one day, he will be the knight in shining armor - not that the two can't be one in the same. At times I can see past the braces and blemished complexions and see exactly what he will look like as a man and I think, "one day, some girl and some daughter are going to be so completely and desperately in love with him." Does he know what an honor that is? Will he be great? Does he have anyone to teach him how to love a woman the way she deserves... and/or the way she needs to be loved as a result of her past in order to compliment her or mend her?
And the girls... oh the girls. I watch them too. I haven't found myself in this crowd yet. I don't know if I could pick myself at 15 out of a crowd of 100 girls. Because myself at 15 was so incredibly not who I am now. Relationships... I was so bad at them. Some time, ask me how my male relationships really damaged my self image and how if it were not for God's healing mercies and Nick's unconditional love it is terrifying who I would be and who I would be with ... and without... today.
Last night's episode of Glee was focused on how the guys were treating the girls with disrespect - being too macho, too sexist, even superior. At first, Finn, Puck, and Artie didn't get it. Even Mr. Shu had some listening and figuring out to do. It all boils down to how fundamentally different we are. The hormonal changes, examples, and influences we get not only shape who we are but how we treat each other. I have a growing desire to share some of my deep dark experiences with these youth... especially the girls. I know that in time, trust will be earned and hearts will be open and just as He always does, He will place people in each other lives, ready to listen when they need it the most.
Makes me think of the John Mayer lyrics from Daughters,
"Fathers be good to your daughters,
daughters will love like you do.
Girls become lovers, who turn into mothers.
So, mothers be good to your daughters too."
Last night I felt the urge to start blogging again.
This morning I woke up earlier than usual and I took a walk. It may be one of the last mornings of this season that it actually feels chilly to be outside, before the sun is shining it's brightest, before the motion of the day sets in. It wasn't a long walk... a quick mile, maybe mile and a half, but my it was nice.
Then, after eating my oatmeal, I thought, why not a quick blog post while I "have the time."
So good morning to anyone who still reads this! Updates, thoughts, and pictures of my family and are coming!