Saturday, April 24, 2010
It is one of those morning where the sky is gray and the coffee is so good. We spent the morning out and about. Me running a few errands and Nick and the babies eating breakfast in Pville, helping to raise funds for the Youth Choir. Now, I am having a little bit of "me" time on the porch, raining on the porch tin roof now... HARD.
Yesterday we watched "The Blind Side" and I cried during the entire movie. I don't know exactly why. Maybe because I saw the faces of the majority of my students in "Big Mike." Maybe because this movie/true story is so touching in itself. Rich white family in the deep south adopts a black boy from the projects and gives him an opportunity at education, sports, and family that he would not have ever gotten otherwise, due to the elements that goes with poverty, addiction, and the "system". This family took all of this on while being judged and even mocked by "friends," certainly society, and even the NCAA.
I have had one or two students that I have prayed about before...telling God, "if you want me to have her... I'll take her." One day last summer I was folding towels, thinking about this one little girl and her twin sister and their crack addicted mother - father in "lock up" (first grade girl's exact words). I was thinking how this little girl would stop by my room every morning just to say hi and ask how my babies are doing. And could she come over some time. And could she have my phone number because she promises she would call. Anyway, I kept folding and saying, "impossible. impossbile." Later that day I had some down time and flipped to that day's devotion in my Bible and the verse for that day was "what is impossible with man is possible with God." I cried then and there ... not because I believed that she would come home with me but for shame. Shame on me for dismissing a desire in my heart that could only be possible and arranged by our Great God. From then on, I agreed with myself to be open minded and open hearted and just believe... it may not actually happen, but it is not impossible.
My lack of faith that day is kind of like Sandra Bullock described in the movie... there has to be someone there to protect the blind side of the quarterback. Someone who can change the game with the right play because of their instinctive defense skills and tackles. We all have a "blind side." A lot of us genuinely know, love, and trust God but there are these little areas where we doubt. In fact, most times, we don't even know we have doubts... we don't recognize that we need protection from...whatever it is...until it hits you from behind.
Of course it is ok to doubt. You even learn that at church. What do you do with it though? You don't ignore. In fact, I say, be encouraged and excited about your doubts. It is in these small spaces in your heart and head that only God can touch. My dearest friend Sully, now in Heaven, used to say, "Stop your worrin' Mielke. Sit back and watch Him work."