Mama

At random times during my motherly duties, like rocking my baby to sleep or comforting during a teething ache I wonder to myself, " Does she know that I am her mother? Me? " Sometimes I just can't wrap my mind around the fact that I am the one person on Earth that these precious babies will call Mama.

Starting yesterday morning, Lily started babbling "Ma Ma Ma Ma" when she wakes up and is waiting on me in her bed and I said that it hurts SO GOOD to hear that. I come in and turn on the lamp and say back to her " Mama is here... MaMa" and she starts kicking and smiling. It feels really really good to be a mother and a Mama.

Stephanie often posts that throughout the newborn stage you have to remind yourself that soon a baby will start to "reciprocate" the love through giggling and more intense stares and we have rounded that corner. Now, when I feed the babies they look at me and smile, they touch my face, they nuzzle into my chest. They aren't "new borns" anymore... they are babies who know that they are home. They know their bedroom. They know their Ali. They know me. And it feels really good.

This week is Spring Break for me and that means I get 8 days of solid routine outside of the norm of waking up, getting me ready, getting them ready, and heading for work. This week I get to get up, sip coffee, sort laundry, play, and wait for them to wake up from their naps and repeat. If the weather would clear we might even get to do some out and about types of things. I would love to visit the zoo play on a blanket in the back yard. We may even make a day trip to Opelika to visit PawPaw (is that how you spell it?). But if not, being inside and being together will be better than writing IEPs and waiting to get to 3:30p.m. This week I plan to cook real meals. Write thank you notes. Revise our budget and maybe hang some curtains.

I cannot express how much I love being a mother without sounding cliche. Friday night I went to Birmingham to spend the night with some dear sorority sisters. We drank wine and ate ridiculously delicious cheeses and stayed up way too late. It would have been easy to say that I would love to go back to college days and do it all over again but that isn't the case. I am in my prime. I am doing what I believe I was made to do. A career was never that important to me and I was never really good at dating. In May of 2005 I met the love of my life and was swept up in a whirl wind of change: emotionally and spiritually. For two years we enjoyed each other in every sense of the word but there came the time when we started asking "what comes next?" It wasn't a house or a new job. It wasn't material things or building an "around the world" portfolio. I figured out that it was time to start planning for a family when it started to feel like something, or someone(s), was missing. I knew I was ready to be a mother when I started to feel the urge to start living for something more than myself and more than the "here and now." Having two children at once definitely satisfied those desires. My children have made my life more purposeful and my marriage stronger and more passionate. Before my children, I would say that my favorite time of day was crawling in bed and snuggling up to my sweet husband and talking about our day. Now, my favorite time of day is waking up. It may be something that you can't understand until you experience it for yourself. I just don't understand the folks that make the jokes about the ole' ball and chain in reference to marriage and family. If that's how you feel then you probably chose this life for the wrong reasons. Marriage and family is a gift and a privilage - not for everyone and that is FINE- more than fine. I have dear friends who are undecided about whether or not to have children and I am equally and excited to see your important decision and accomplishments. I just can't relate. But isn't that what interesting friendships and acquaintances are all about? Diversity?

Looking at where I was in the Spring of 2004 I would never have dreamed this is where I would be just 5 years later. Something to ponder... where will YOU be in 5 years?

This Weekend

This weekend we had a small and intimate celebration of the babies being Christened... Nick like "Baptism" better but Christened sounds as sweet and pretty as the ceremony is. It was a special day... weekend actually. One of my dearest friends, Jennifer, traveled from Nashville to be here and time spent with her is always so special and never enough. By Sunday, after staying up really late Friday night, cleaning, exercising, and shopping Saturday, and celebrating Sunday I was tired... tired in my bones kind of tired. I have so much to catch up on house wise but it was all so worth it.

Of course I got emotional during the service on Sunday... realizing what it really means to be Christened and seeing the looks on the the babies' faces when the cool water ran down their sweet heads. Kissing Lily's damp soft spot really brought it all home when we sat back down in the pews. One of my most remembered photos from my infancy was on my Christening date so I look forward to sharing these (and many more) with the girls when they get older.

Their gowns were a gift from a "Footprints" mom that I met during out time at the NICU. The detail on the backs of the dresses is too sweet. The picture of both babies from behind is probably my favorite from the weekend.

The babies are almost 10 months old... 10 months already. Harper has a tooth budding on the bottom gum. They are rolling and eating baby food twice a day. Tonight they are sleeping soundly with 7pm being their new bed time. It is so nice to hear them chatting at 5a.m. because they are "well" and feel good. With Spring on it's way I am praying that we won't have any more major colds or flu. My hope was that on this Mother's Day I would be with my family on the beach but looks like that is not going to happen. There is other stuff that needs to be done and that's o.k. Next year maybe.

Work is really great. It is IEP season which means a lot, a lot, of testing, paperwork, and meetings. It is Special Education's way of "spring cleaning." Out with old goals and in with the new. I have never felt so secure and productive at my job. I guess being a mother finally helps give a new perspective on teaching children in general.

That is about it for now. Here are some pictures from the weekend.

Does Anybody Remember Jack Handey?

So one of my favorite features on "old school SNL" was Deep Thoughts and Fuzzy Memories by Jack Handey.  I had to google a few and share them with you.

“If you saw two guys named Hambone and Flippy, which one would you think liked dolphins most? I'd say Flippy, wouldn't you? You'd be wrong though. It's Hambone." Deep Thoughts (Saturday Night Live)” 

“I hope that someday we will be able to put away our fears and prejudices and just laugh at people.” Deep Thoughts (Saturday Night Live)” 

“Sometimes I think you have to march right in and demand your rights,even if you don't know what your rights are, or who the person is you're talking to. Then on the way out, slam the door. - Deep Thoughts (Saturday Night Live)” 

“If you ever crawl inside an old hollow log and go to sleep, and while you're in there some guys come and seal up both ends and then put it on a truck and take it to another city, boy, I don't know what to tell you.” Deep Thoughts (Saturday Night Live)” 

"Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset? And he's carrying a beautiful rose in his beak, and also he's carrying a very beautiful painting with his feet. And also, you're drunk." Deep Thoughts (Saturday Night Live)

And so today, I was driving to LM's house to pick up the babies and I had to drive through a school zone.  It was past 4:30p.m. - pickup lines had died down but I was in standstill traffic... 15, 20 cars long wondering what the heck is the hold up.  As I inched forward I started to notice people parking on the side of the road and getting out of their cars with concerned smiles on their faces.  Finally I saw the hold up.  I yellow mutt with no collar scared out of it's wits, cowarding in the middle of the street... clearly lost, clearly confused, but clearly loved by everyone in traffic.  I had my very own "Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey" moment where I pondered, "Amazing how a lost dog can cause the world to stop turning in 5 o'clock traffic but I get the middle finger for going the speed limit on my way to work in the mornings."

A Further Illustration

Picture this:

This Sunday, 33 degrees, snow is falling, babies are playing on their tummies, swatting at suspended plush toys and squealing in shear delight, rolling over and over, giggling, smiling, no rasping, no fevers.

Last Sunday, 75 degrees, I'm sweating my face off (could have been fever looking back on it) holding my dehydrated child in the emergency room at Baptist Hospital.