Thursday, July 27, 2006

Wishy Washy

Good Morning,

<----- This is a picture of the view in front of Nick's grandmother's house in Bowen, Illnios. Behing that giant silo is miles and miles and miles of corn and soy bean crops until you get to the next small town.

When Nick and I visited Illinois a week ago, I was thankful to be there to meet his extended family (which I had not done) and to go somewhere I had never been before. Bowen is quite different from Montgomery. I told Nick on our morning walk that it is almost "ghostly." In the town of 500 there were barely any cars going to and fro even on the weekday and the people you saw working in their yards or pumping gas just kind of squinted their eyes and stared at you to see if you they new you I guess...or wonder where you came from. When we had lunch in memory of his grandfather, the ladies serving us at the church weren't the "let me get you sum'more sweet suga honeychild and you have a blessed day!" kind of ladies. They were not rude at all but the feeling I got there, in that church and walking down those streets, was unlike the feeling I get here in my hometown. When I was in Bowen, I criticized and looked forward to getting back into my comfortable nest - as Mr. M and I call it.
However, now...looking back at pictures like the one above while I am sitting at my computer, at home on a quiet HOT summer morning, having just got off the phone with my cranky mother who is mad because we are going to lunch at 1pm instead of 11:30am because I am "never on time for ANYTHING and it is always about me!" (yes, really, ugg...any damn way) NOW sitting here I get the feeling of "why didn't I appreciate being there when I was there? Was it really THAT hot? Were the beds really THAT uncomfortable? Is it really ok to sit back and not get to know people who are different from you?
I find myself often wishing I could travel more, go back to school, make new friends, find new hobbies, and see more. etc..but I also realize that I usually find something to complain about once I am in the midst. For example, 6 months ago I was so excited to go back to school because I told myself "It will be beneficial to my future, I'll be a better and more focused student, Nick and I can help each other study, I'll make new friends," and now that I am finishing up two classes I have found that I still complain about the cost of books, the invasion of things I could be doing when it comes time to go to class, PROCRASTINATION, and Nick and I don't share with each other what we are learning as much as we should.
I don't mean to sound so negative about myself...I really do appreciate the whole "be in the moment" and "the future (or past) is no place to place your better days" (DMB) thing. But I'm just curious if other people miss fall in the summer and miss spring in the winter?

1 comment:

Heather said...

I am with you. I am bad abotu spending my whole life waiting for something. Today? I am wanting it to be tomorrow, and once tomorrow is done, I will start wanting it to be some other day. I am always thinking of what I can do whent he kids are ins chool or, heck, whent he house is unpacked.