Scattered, Tattered, Smothered, and Fried

This post is not meant to be a b*tch fest but here it is...

A gray, muggy, hot and humid, Saturday with a LIST of things to do as soon as I get out of bed makes me feel UG. The morning started off with my weekly WW meeting. Babies up, changed, dressed and Mommy is out the door. (I "stayed the same this week) - no gains no losses in pounds that is which I consider a victory because I did not exercise once, enjoyed a few indulgences, and was going through what every woman goes through once a month - you get the picture.

I get home and the babies are restless and bored and clinging to my leg saying "Mama" over and over because they need attention and something to do. Meanwhile, I haven't had breakfast or a shower and have 4 loads of laundry sorted on my bedroom floor. Also, I need to pay the babysitter, make a grocery list and get the shopping done, spend time shopping with/for Nick because the poor guy has been wearing the same jeans and polo shirts everyday for the last... 5 year? Shop for decor for the youth room at Church which is under top secret construction before Wednesday's big reveal. I need to get the 5-7 coffee cups and Publix bags filled with the weeks' sack lunch leftovers cleared off of the dining room table and change the sheets on all of the beds. I need to bathe Ali, although, I'm sure she can wait one more day, which is probably really one more week. And mentally prepare for leaving the girls with their grandparents/sitters tonight so that we can enjoy dinner with our wonderful Pastor and his wife.

Sounds like a lot right? And it is.

And this is what it means sometimes to be the mom, the wife, the house keeper. It really is a privelage and I wouldn't change it for the world. I guess my question is: is it normal to feel overwhelmed looking at the "list" of things to do on a day where really of my responsibilities are really still luxuries?

Two Sweet Moments

Two sweet moments happened today.

One, I heard Lily tell me "no" for the first time.

We were playing outside this afternoon, perfect day for it. I had just taken down the "baby swings" and re-hung the "big girl" swings. Harper caught on like a pro. She sat, she grabbed onto the chain, and she locked her eyes on mine, silently saying, "you will catch me if I fall right?" We swung low and we swung slowly. Back and forth. Swinging like a big girl. I noticed Lily standing about 6 feet behind me, watching this new trick, intensely. I asked, "Lily, do you want to come and swing like a big girl?" She looked at me, she looked at the swing, she looked back at me, and then she said, "Nome... nome, nome, nome, nome, nome" and walked away, back towards the porch... almost like she was worried I would make her try it. I didn't make her try of course; she was very clear that she did not want to try. They both have been saying "yes" for about two months now in response to questions (do you want more? do you want to go outside? etc.) But until this moment had they never verbalized the "not-yes" - only silence and blank stares. I seriously had a moment. Seated on the grass, smiling at Harper, pushing her in the swing, and seeing her little feet brush the ground beneath her, glancing back at the other child carrying a football around the yard, I thought my baby just told me 'no' while the other is swinging in a real swing.

The second sweet moment happened just after bath time. I took Harper out of the tub first and into their room for diaper and pjs. Harper was squirmy and whiny and kept saying, "Nini? Nini?" I asked her, "what? Harper what do you want?" Again, "Nini?" I asked, "Do you want Lily?" and the happiest little light in her eyes turned on and she said, "Yessssss!!!" Of course, she wanted Lily.

I told Nick when he got home tonight, as cheesy as it sounds, "This is it. These are the moments where they are growing up right out from underneath us."

I know they can't always be our infants but I'm pretty certain they will always be our babies.

Blind Sides

It is one of those morning where the sky is gray and the coffee is so good. We spent the morning out and about. Me running a few errands and Nick and the babies eating breakfast in Pville, helping to raise funds for the Youth Choir. Now, I am having a little bit of "me" time on the porch, raining on the porch tin roof now... HARD.

***

Yesterday we watched "The Blind Side" and I cried during the entire movie. I don't know exactly why. Maybe because I saw the faces of the majority of my students in "Big Mike." Maybe because this movie/true story is so touching in itself. Rich white family in the deep south adopts a black boy from the projects and gives him an opportunity at education, sports, and family that he would not have ever gotten otherwise, due to the elements that goes with poverty, addiction, and the "system". This family took all of this on while being judged and even mocked by "friends," certainly society, and even the NCAA.

I have had one or two students that I have prayed about before...telling God, "if you want me to have her... I'll take her." One day last summer I was folding towels, thinking about this one little girl and her twin sister and their crack addicted mother - father in "lock up" (first grade girl's exact words). I was thinking how this little girl would stop by my room every morning just to say hi and ask how my babies are doing. And could she come over some time. And could she have my phone number because she promises she would call. Anyway, I kept folding and saying, "impossible. impossbile." Later that day I had some down time and flipped to that day's devotion in my Bible and the verse for that day was "what is impossible with man is possible with God." I cried then and there ... not because I believed that she would come home with me but for shame. Shame on me for dismissing a desire in my heart that could only be possible and arranged by our Great God. From then on, I agreed with myself to be open minded and open hearted and just believe... it may not actually happen, but it is not impossible.

My lack of faith that day is kind of like Sandra Bullock described in the movie... there has to be someone there to protect the blind side of the quarterback. Someone who can change the game with the right play because of their instinctive defense skills and tackles. We all have a "blind side." A lot of us genuinely know, love, and trust God but there are these little areas where we doubt. In fact, most times, we don't even know we have doubts... we don't recognize that we need protection from...whatever it is...until it hits you from behind.

Of course it is ok to doubt. You even learn that at church. What do you do with it though? You don't ignore. In fact, I say, be encouraged and excited about your doubts. It is in these small spaces in your heart and head that only God can touch. My dearest friend Sully, now in Heaven, used to say, "Stop your worrin' Mielke. Sit back and watch Him work."

Amen, Sully.

Picture Post

These are photos taken at The Waters one Spring afternoon. The weather was nice and the scenery was breath taking. A friend of mine, Jackie Lucas, is an excellent photographer and comes to you... home, outdoors, or there is her in home studio. Check out her website at http://littleacornphoto.com

Jackie, thanks for the memories... and the images!